How to hide from your kids
April 20, 2018
This is a well thought out plan. You may not credit it to a tired day’s rant. Or that you had a toddler that was bawling at the fact that you went to bathroom alone… or as she likes to claim it ‘without me’.
And so began my plan to identify spots, locations and areas where I will be safe and away from my precious.
These are things or places that just cannot be seen by children. It’s the natural order of things.
I tested out the theory first. At each level I reached out to the toddler to check if that particular element is visible to her. It wasn’t. Slowly yet steadily, my list grew. Here’s where I could be in plain sight yet not be seen:
- Amongst Toys At Clean Up Time
- Next To Vegetables At Dinner Time
- Under The Socks They Can’t Find
- Behind The Door They Can’t Seem To Shut
- Next To Shoes Sprawled All Over
I was also able to identify certain frequencies those young ears have a hard time tuning in to.
- Calling their names at The Play area When It’s Time To Leave
- When You Ask To Help Set The Table
- When You Ask To Pick Something Up
- When You Ask To Turn The iPad Off
- When You Announce BedTime
- Don’t Touch The Laptop
My plan was still formulating when I realized there are certain frequencies they can tune into from miles away. And that could compromise my mission. So I started observing and noting down these mysterious words they can immediately pick up on.
- Crinkle From A Chips/Cookie/Candy Bag
- Crunch From A Chip/Cookie/Candy
- Creak Of The Fridge Door
- Clank From The Car Keys
- The Word Go, Going, Ice Cream, Pizza, Toys & Chocolate
- A Feather Falling At Bedtime
- And Any Profanity Said Anywhere Within A 3 Mile Radius
By this time I had realized that I am too weak and the only way I can get away is by assigning chores. Or making the little one clean up. Voila! I immediately became invisible! I had used the power to hide myself in plain sight!
And what did I do with this awesome power you ask? Nothing, I just sat down and sipped on my coffee. Because that in itself was a huge win. And also I was tired from stalking the poor kid all day. *Pats myself on the shoulder.*
I know this is in contrast to my emo rambling over these little cuties. But sometimes momma need’s a break !