8 Ways To Calm Toddler Tantrums

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One of the biggest challenges of being a parent has been the dreaded toddler tantrum. Combined with the constant Nos my toddler keeps saying . It becomes such a power struggle at times and I try my best to not lose my cool. But that doesn’t happen and the toddler and I start crying. So I naturally joined all the Gentle Parenting groups on Facebook, hoping to get that one magic formula that will help me communicate better with my Threenager.

Most advice failed on us but a couple did help cease this battle ground- though we’re miles from having a toddler who will listen to me  🙂

So here’s a couple that worked most of the times and you can try them out, tweaking them according to your little one.

1. Kneeling down to the eye level

As weird as it sounds, this did help out the situation many times. Especially if the toddler was throwing a tantrum and I would step away and face her at eye level. It did result in hugs and a feeling of accomplishment for us. The key here is to remember to do that, otherwise the toddler’s going to lose his/her cool.

It’s supposed to make them feel like individuals and that you hear them. Physically we are bigger then these little guys and towering over them make them feel  even more vulnerable and hence they lash out more. Key is to remember that they are scared of all those feelings and need to vent out their frustration whilst feeling secure. This is definitely a learning curve for me and I need to work on this a lot more too.

Key is to bend down to their height and make eye contact while asking them what’s wrong. Gives them the feeling of being equal and  less intimidated.

2. Stepping away from the toddler tantrum

This is usually a win win for me since my toddler tends to act out with others around and becomes all cuddly when alone with me. So I know she knows that crying out will get her the attention and probably will help her get her way.

Which is why when it seems necessary, I just carry her to a different location and then try to talk to her. I learned earlier on that the No iPad or No toys warning backfires majorly. Like you wouldn’t believe. Like other parents saying Oh we’re not that worse off as we thought.

So obviously I had to change the game.

Angry expressions (narrowed brows) failed miserably since she would do that too and say I’m angry with you (sigh). But separating her from the situation helped out some what. And probably she didn’t get embarrassed by my talking her out of something in front of others.

3. Redirecting Activities

This is a tricky one. As a lot of the times the distraction doesn’t work but you need em too. I mean it’s recommended to stay away from Screentime in all situations (Suuure, we all follow that rule…cough cough…) so we need other avenues. Being the dramatic mom that I am, I try to show it like an urgent situation that needs my daughter’s immediate attention. For example her doll needs her help or there’s a frog out there that needs our help, or PJ Masks just drove by (I know, I’m probably setting up the kid to go for therapy FacePalm). But you get the idea with what kind of distractions we’re talking about here.  Don’t try to bribe with a toy  – that backfires on you so badly. Trust me on this one. LESSON LEARNED !

See if this works out for you and helps shift focus to calm your little one down.

4. Ignoring the tantrum

This is a hit or a miss with us. It works sometimes when we’re in the car. We tried it and forced each other not to acknowledge the cries and she like stopped after some time but then got mad at us for a few minutes and then went about playing with her doll. It was very funny actually.

Outside it doesn’t work as often but maybe it’s mainly my own deal. I keep feeling embarrassed that others are looking and me and judging me so I end up bribing her with something. Which is creating a messy situation for myself. But so far ignoring the tantrums has worked out the most for us.

5. Good Ol Hug

Sometimes even adults need to let out a good cry and be comforted so it’s natural for your little one to vent out their frustrations the same way but under the sad label of ‘toddler tantrums’.  There may be kicking and screaming involved but a little empathy and a little hug will let them vent it out. Understandably kids are not able to fully communicate with their limited vocabulary as well as understanding of all these emotions so it can be so difficult for kids to express themselves. Hugging them warmly may help calm them down, and most importantly it may help calm us (the parents) too. I find myself losing patience quickly at times so the hug is definitely more for me so I can empathize and sympathize with whatever is going on in that little brain.

6. Transitional Object

This is essentially the security blanket of our world.  The one toy or item that my LO loves and has associated it with love and comfort. It’s her stuffed bear that she takes everywhere. And when I can see a meltdown brewing I definitely need her ‘Care Bear” to help rescue us.  It may be a good idea to associate an item or a toy that helps your little one feel safe or happy with.

You can start of with using the same toy after  your LO’s done a good job and handing over the toy and saying something along the lines of Great job,  Let your Care Bear (or anything really) that you did that. Or at times when the LO gets scared or hurt then hand over the toy and let them know you can hug it to feel better etc. This is basically a transitional object to help your little one soothe his/herself.  You can even use it to ask your little one to tell her Security Blanket/Transitional Object what’s wrong and get the communication process going.

7. Chanting Mantra

This is specifically for myself – or the adults. I have to keep reminding myself that the toddler is doesn’t understand what’s happening. It gets tough when the screaming and shouting is happening, a total full blow toddler tantrum really. Take a couple deep breathes and remind yourself that the little one is struggling to share what he/she is feeling.

As the great Daniel Tiger said ” When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breathe and count to four“.  It will help you remember not to lose your cool and well, help you be an adult.

8.  Have a Calm Down Song

If you haven’t guessed yet, we use the Daniel Tiger song! But you can probably make up your one too. You may need to hone your acting skills to kick start this too. So if your child did something you do not approve of (nothing major but didn’t clean up the toy or threw something etc), you can pretend to be mad and say out loud that oh you need to calm down and sing a song, any song really.  Ask your LO to sing with you and then talk over  how they need to clean up or not throw things. Do it a couple times until there is complete association with that song being a calming technique. Then next time when your child is upset over something, sing the song to help calm him/her down.

Remember, patience is key here and if you (the adult) needs to step away for a few minutes then do so. You have much more control over your feelings then any child, regardless of their age.

I’m always looking to learn and try anything out to help understand this little human being I’m responsible for. If you have any tips or tricks that worked for you please do share them in the comments below.